If Tomorrow Never Comes by Lisa Chalmers

Author:Lisa Chalmers [Chalmers, Lisa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rebel Heart Ink
Published: 2014-01-14T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

Helplessness was one of the worst feelings in the world.

She lay there wishing she was anywhere else, that things had been different. Could she mess up any more? Scares weren’t part of the plan. She’d been trying so hard to keep the pregnancy on track. On dealing with her grief in a way that was healthy. On trying to focus on the positive things, that she was healthy and so was the baby. That was the best thing she could do to honor Josh and his memory. But now it was as if things were unraveling around her, and no matter what she did she couldn’t stop it.

Her hands clutched the edges of the hospital blanket, and she blinked back her tears. All she wanted was to be able to go back in time and somehow stop all of this from happening.

Why couldn’t that be possible, just this once?

Gabriel looked at the machines, trying to understand what they all meant. She didn’t look okay. Her fear of hospitals hadn’t abated with this little scare. It had just made it all the worse with the doctors in and out and the constant monitoring. He knew every movement she made she overanalyzed, replaying events over and over in her head, trying to pinpoint what started it all. He could have told her it wasn’t one thing specifically but a series of them.

The feeling around her hadn’t changed. She’d gotten good at pretending, at fooling the others. He doubted they realized she still cried herself to sleep every night or how often she listened to Josh’s old voicemails, how she’d freaked out the night she’d thought she’d accidently erased them. She was on the edge of a cliff no one wanted her to fall down. Worry swept through him as she finally drifted off to sleep. A deep, unbidden worry told him Josh knew what he was talking about. Something had changed. Something inside her had literally died along with him, and the rest was following in its wake.

A quick flash of a horrific future flashed through his mind, and he grabbed onto the back of the nearby chair for support, startled when the chair squeaked on the linoleum. He shouldn’t have been able to do that. He was masking himself, trying to keep silent, unobserved as he kept an eye on her. But as he looked toward the bed, he saw she still hadn’t stirred. Her hands still rested protectively over the baby, her lips pressed tightly together in sleep.

***

Josh played with his thumbnail. He hated hearing Gabriel’s words, the description so vivid he felt like he could reach out and touch her. It killed him to imagine her in some hospital bed somewhere, so frightened, so scared…worried about losing the last piece of him they all had. He wanted to jump to his feet and force himself back there, back with her where he knew he belonged, but he couldn’t and that hurt him worse than anything.

“She feels so responsible.”

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